Pumpkins and Purna

It is past midnight. I should be sleeping, but I am trying to post more often. My dear friend, Amanda, reminds me. We are two days til Halloween. My favorite holiday. Texas is finally experiencing some coolish weather and with that coolness my fire, about which I've blogged, has cooled. This fire cooling is a good thing. It means I feel exhilarated with all the possibilities that the transition to fall holds. I see orange pumpkins all around. I adore the effect of pumpkins all around. They make everything appear more jolly, all round and fat or tall and skinny and now all the new/old varieties around bumpy and green, white and smooth, warty blue... My house is my solace once again, all cozy with family. We finally hung photos/prints on the walls and wow, what a difference that makes. Hey, someone with a life lives here. I've decided blank walls are no good for a family home. The blank walls are like static on a radio station. You don't always notice it at first, but when you do you realize it has been grating on your nerves all this time. We also have little glowing lights, candles, fires in the backyard with s'mores. Our Harvest Potluck was a smashing success. A nice even stream of people with their kids throughout the night. A large group gathered around the fire making the s'mores. Dearest Amanda so graciously playing S'more Wench/Maven. Chris and Hutch made gumbo again and strung the backyard with lights and glowing stars, perfect at dark for the kiddies to play under. So magical. The whole house looked magical and romantic, all reds and organges and flowers. Sigh. Oh, I am still blissed out about it all. And the next day was so yummy just hangin' with the family. The cubs were up late so they were really tired and we all just cuddled on the couch all day talking or watching movies...Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Nightmare Before Christmas.

The cubs and I are having so much fun running around, decorating for the holidays, taking hayrides, painting pumpkins, watching goats climb trees, eating pumpkin icecream. I'm busy putting together their costumes for Friday. Freya: ladybug. Ursula: butterfly or fairy the costume will work for both. I put them together as best I can from stuff we already have and then fill in the rest with items I make or pick up second-hand. I loath Target-esque costumes and just can't bring myself to go that route. It is so much more joyful to Frankenstein it all together, pun intended.

Things I'm lovin right now other than pumpkins and cooler weather: The dancing of the girls. Today Ursa piled on a bunch of costume clothes and looked like a gypsy fairy waving her arms with grace and fluidity. Freya had on a costume outfit making her look like a little Dutch girl. Hearing them sing little made up songs when they think no one is listening. Me talking to Freya sternly the other day (I don't love that, but do love Freya's response) She said in her most placating voice, "You don't have to yell. You don't have to yell. It's gonna be all right, Darling." And then she bent over kissed me and hugged my neck. The way they both just crack each other up by saying the word "Poopy" How the name "Bad Poopoo" is the worse thing they can say to each other and causes big tears. When they call me "Bad Poopoo" which makes me crack up and then they crack up...all tension gone. The way Freya says "Nicelies" instead of "Nicies" when I rub her back. How they love for us to tell made up stories (though, sometimes this gets old for me, especially when I'm driving) How they love to interject their own parts of the story now, whereas before they just let me tell them the story. The way Freya's little tongue sticks out when she says certain words/sounds giving her just the slightest lisp at times. The way Ursa always talks with her head cocked and one hand on her hip. Oh there is so much more, but i must to bed get.

In Sanskrit there is the word Purna or Fullness. That is the best word for this season, for this family, for this life. Yummy Yummy Scrumptious Family. Round and Sweet like a Pumpkin Treat.

My Little Gurus

I just returned from a screening of "Orgasmic Birth" and I want to write a few comments before I forget. First of all, the film was mostly lovely but definitely should not be called "Orgasmic Birth". What I really want to keep sight of, however, is the need for more images of ecstatic beautiful hospital births and even more importantly Cesarean Births. I realize our country has gone cuckoo with interventions and our work still needs to be to shift that energy. But I also think we cannot fight fear with fear. The medical establishment throws fear at expectant parents about the dangers of home births and then we throw more fear at parents about medical interventions. All of a sudden ALL Cesarean Births become bad, and when shown on film, something that everyone gasps at and seems horrified by. Well, you know what? Babies can be born in beautiful Cesarean births. Maybe it isn't the norm, but we need to show people that possibility too.

One pregnant mama in the audience said that she thought she would have a hospital birth because she was scared of a home birth. After seeing the show, she said now she is scared of a hospital birth too. In her words, "Now I don't know where to birth." There are some moms who just don't feel safe birthing at home, they feel safe and protected in the hospital so we need to acknowledge that too and show that they can still have that ecstatic birth there. How can we make all births sacred? That is still my prenatal teacher credo. I think parents need to be informed of the dangers of medical interventions and I think they need to see the possibility of beautiful home births. I believe in birthing at home. But I don't believe in fear-mongering. Fear is NOT the answer. Trust in our bodies and our babies is the answer. We have to trust and know ourselves deeply so that we know when an intervention is necessary and when it isn't. So that we can fully embrace whatever birth we get. That way if a baby needs to be born via Cesarean we can accept that perhaps that is the babies own path and journey. This has reinvigorated me to bring that message to my mamas in my class. To empower them to seek the higher thought. Release the Fear. Embrace and Trust your baby.

And that being said, the other issue I really walked away with tonight was the need for the loving and respectful handling of babies at birth. Babies need to be supported. Not flopped around like this week's fish. This gentle treatment of babies as they come earthside can be done in Cesarean births too. The babies can be gently pulled out, place directly on mamas chest and left there the whole time. That is my biggest regret from the girls birth. If there is anything about their birth that can still bring me to tears it is that. I accept my birth now, but I felt like they were pulled out, hauled off in a corner and then taken away from me before I could get my wits about me. Then they were taken to a cold bright nursery where they were rubbed vigorously and poked by strange hands, wailing their little lungs out. I have the photos. It is horrible but I keep them because I don't want them to have suffered in vain. If there is one thing I could do, if even for one baby, is to get the message across that it doesn't have to be that way. I waited two hours before I even got to see them again and then when we tried to nurse there were attendants and midwife hands roughly pushing the babies on to my breasts trying to get them to latch. Damn, no wonder the poor darlings had a hard time nursing at first. I wouldn't want to eat either if someone was shoving my face into my mashed potatoes. And the thing of it is, I knew better. I studied birthing, I was knowledgeable in the process, I knew more than most mamas going into it and I was still co-opted. Just think of how most parents don't stand a chance against that treatment. The unknown can be so scary to us that we give over our power. It is time to regain it. Once again to trust ourselves, to trust our voices and to know what we want so that we can make it happen.

I feel that perhaps I should get trained in doing birth education so that I can bring my own personal perspective into it. I think I have a somewhat unique one. When there is a gathering like tonight I am always the person talking about the need for sacred Cesarean Births. So many people just want to gloss over it as a horrible procedure..or with the medical establishment, a life-saving procedure...but no one ever talks about how it can be beautiful too.

I also want to focus on support for the mother after the birth. And support for the family unit during the first year. We need our village back. How do we make that happen? Anyway, thoughts for me. I know I can be of use. I heard myself speak tonight to a room full of strangers and I know I have something to say that is worth hearing. That was a nice thing to learn. Another reason I'm grateful for the birth of my girls. Wahe Guru!