The First Rule is to PLAY. All endeavors must be undertaken with this curiosity/wonderment...PLAY! There is no "how much" or "how often" just this, manifesting joy...keeping it easy. PLAY PLAY PLAY!
So I made list of Life Priorities and might as well write them here. These are my essentials. Anything outside these is just gravy. I made the list to help me keep perspective. It is so easy to be like a magpie and get distracted by all the little shiny things. I wanted a definitive list to have and hold. One I could look at whenever I get obsessed with some new thing/person/idea and use as a barometer. Does it fit into one of these categories? Will it enhance a priority on the list?
My Life Priorites:
Time spent with family
Good healthy food
Joyful work for myself and Chris
Creative experiences for us all
Active experiences for us all
Communal sharing/giving
Spiritual connection (finding beauty all around)
I will do all in my power to create opportunities/time/space for these seven priorities. These are truly what makes a life a life for me. Not the hippest clothes (though I like clothes) Not reading tons of blogs (though I like those too) Not packing in activity after activity at the expense of our sanity. Just these seven done completely and PLAYfully.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Cracks and All
"Ring the bell that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
This life this perfect imperfection. All these cracks. I feel I have so many and yet I'm finally at a place in my life where I can love them, see them as part of me, as necessary. I am an imperfect mother...I am an amazing mother. My relationship with the girls is so deep, so loving, so true. We yell...sometimes. We cry...sometimes. We laugh...often. We love...always. I pull them into my arms a hundred times a day and relish their scent, the feel of their skin. JOY! I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of joy as of late, that feeling of being in the flow of the Divine completely cradled in the arms of the (god)dess.
Speaking of the feel of skin, massage school has been so enlightening in many ways. I never would have imagined that I would like touching strangers so much. I'm very touchy lovey with my family and friends, but strangers?....I love the feel of skin. I love bone and sinew under my fingers, moving with the breath, knowing that I am bringing healing, circulation and cleansing to the body. It is a true gift to serve others with the power of touch...
Friday at yoga was powerful. After all the planning for Halloween, my body needed the stretching the deep breathing, the moving within its own rhythmic field. Keith's Hatha flow class speaks to me so much right now. The first class I ever took with him, he played a song called "All is Well" a gospel song...Then in another class he based it around my favorite quote by Leonard Cohen (above). Then on Friday I had such a wild experience. We did a lovely and sweaty flow, not too fast not too slow. As we completed our final stretching Keith put on 10,000 Maniacs' "These are Days" one of my all-time happy songs. As the song played I just started sobbing, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so happy and embraced. Then heat moved up my torso into my head and I felt strange, but content. Then for the cherry on the icecream during Savasana he played "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel. Funny I never would have thought I would like incorporating pop music into yoga classes, but it really speaks to me in small doses. I have always loved music. I remember at the age of four sitting for hours by the radio or record player singing along. When I hear those songs, I know that the Divine moves through those artists. I was reminded. Thanks, Keith.
A quick note about Halloween: After an eight-hour sewing marathon by Amanda and me. And a couple more hours spent making crowns, It was a blast. We went over to JJ and Rose's house, Sonja and co. met us there and we all ate Chris's homemade chicken noodle soup. Then the kids got their costumes on (the girls looked fab) and we T&T'd in their hood. Once done there we all loaded up and went to Hyde Park where is was like Christmas on Halloween. Three streets had several big houses completely decked out in holiday attire. There were people everywhere. The girls were amazing troopers, excitedly moving from one house to another. They even kept their wigs on, though Ursa did get angry because people were stepping on her mermaid tail. It was a magical night...I can't even imagine what it looked like from their perspecitve...overwhelming...captivating...thrilling. Ursa jetted off ahead with Olive while Freya stuck closer to us. They loved telling everyone that they were sisters and mermaids. At the end of the night they were worn out and so my man carried both girls three and a half blocks back to the car...Go Daddy Go!
That being said, I am still struggling with the idea of putting the girls in school, even though they seem to like it now, even though I love my massage studies and want to work part-time, there is still that bit of guilt that I am not with them always. There is that nagging voice, that says I need to decide whether they are going to school next year and if so, where. I haven't found the perfect solution, but once again...I shall embrace the imperfect. I will trust that a solution will come. A way for all needs to be met. My 4.5 year olds are smart and savvy ladies...I know they will be well. I know that as I mama the most important thing I can give them is love, lots and lots of love. The rest will sort itself out.
4.5 is really proving to be all that I expected. It is the age my twin boys were when I became a nanny to them in college. I knew it would be lovely...and it is. Oh we still go through days or even a string of days where the girls fight intensely, but there really has been another shift. They are so expressive. They floor me with their creative ideas, like turning my massage table box into a fairy house (we spent an enitre morning painting and pasting for that one) They are more interested in letters now and trying/pretending to read. Freya goes around singing her little made up songs (note to self, record one) She has also become quite the story teller. She spent twenty minutes in her dark room with sister and Aunt Amanda the other night, telling them a long tale by the light of one single candle. Ursula is begging for a dance class. They took a free one at Ballet Austin and now she is obsessed. I promised her one after the holidays. The other day she said "Mama, if I take my dance class, can I keep my school too? "Yes, Darling" I said. "Mama, can I take dance, keep my school and still see Hannah?" "Of course" I said "You can have it all. My Love. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL." And...I meant it.
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
This life this perfect imperfection. All these cracks. I feel I have so many and yet I'm finally at a place in my life where I can love them, see them as part of me, as necessary. I am an imperfect mother...I am an amazing mother. My relationship with the girls is so deep, so loving, so true. We yell...sometimes. We cry...sometimes. We laugh...often. We love...always. I pull them into my arms a hundred times a day and relish their scent, the feel of their skin. JOY! I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of joy as of late, that feeling of being in the flow of the Divine completely cradled in the arms of the (god)dess.
Speaking of the feel of skin, massage school has been so enlightening in many ways. I never would have imagined that I would like touching strangers so much. I'm very touchy lovey with my family and friends, but strangers?....I love the feel of skin. I love bone and sinew under my fingers, moving with the breath, knowing that I am bringing healing, circulation and cleansing to the body. It is a true gift to serve others with the power of touch...
Friday at yoga was powerful. After all the planning for Halloween, my body needed the stretching the deep breathing, the moving within its own rhythmic field. Keith's Hatha flow class speaks to me so much right now. The first class I ever took with him, he played a song called "All is Well" a gospel song...Then in another class he based it around my favorite quote by Leonard Cohen (above). Then on Friday I had such a wild experience. We did a lovely and sweaty flow, not too fast not too slow. As we completed our final stretching Keith put on 10,000 Maniacs' "These are Days" one of my all-time happy songs. As the song played I just started sobbing, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so happy and embraced. Then heat moved up my torso into my head and I felt strange, but content. Then for the cherry on the icecream during Savasana he played "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel. Funny I never would have thought I would like incorporating pop music into yoga classes, but it really speaks to me in small doses. I have always loved music. I remember at the age of four sitting for hours by the radio or record player singing along. When I hear those songs, I know that the Divine moves through those artists. I was reminded. Thanks, Keith.
A quick note about Halloween: After an eight-hour sewing marathon by Amanda and me. And a couple more hours spent making crowns, It was a blast. We went over to JJ and Rose's house, Sonja and co. met us there and we all ate Chris's homemade chicken noodle soup. Then the kids got their costumes on (the girls looked fab) and we T&T'd in their hood. Once done there we all loaded up and went to Hyde Park where is was like Christmas on Halloween. Three streets had several big houses completely decked out in holiday attire. There were people everywhere. The girls were amazing troopers, excitedly moving from one house to another. They even kept their wigs on, though Ursa did get angry because people were stepping on her mermaid tail. It was a magical night...I can't even imagine what it looked like from their perspecitve...overwhelming...captivating...thrilling. Ursa jetted off ahead with Olive while Freya stuck closer to us. They loved telling everyone that they were sisters and mermaids. At the end of the night they were worn out and so my man carried both girls three and a half blocks back to the car...Go Daddy Go!
That being said, I am still struggling with the idea of putting the girls in school, even though they seem to like it now, even though I love my massage studies and want to work part-time, there is still that bit of guilt that I am not with them always. There is that nagging voice, that says I need to decide whether they are going to school next year and if so, where. I haven't found the perfect solution, but once again...I shall embrace the imperfect. I will trust that a solution will come. A way for all needs to be met. My 4.5 year olds are smart and savvy ladies...I know they will be well. I know that as I mama the most important thing I can give them is love, lots and lots of love. The rest will sort itself out.
4.5 is really proving to be all that I expected. It is the age my twin boys were when I became a nanny to them in college. I knew it would be lovely...and it is. Oh we still go through days or even a string of days where the girls fight intensely, but there really has been another shift. They are so expressive. They floor me with their creative ideas, like turning my massage table box into a fairy house (we spent an enitre morning painting and pasting for that one) They are more interested in letters now and trying/pretending to read. Freya goes around singing her little made up songs (note to self, record one) She has also become quite the story teller. She spent twenty minutes in her dark room with sister and Aunt Amanda the other night, telling them a long tale by the light of one single candle. Ursula is begging for a dance class. They took a free one at Ballet Austin and now she is obsessed. I promised her one after the holidays. The other day she said "Mama, if I take my dance class, can I keep my school too? "Yes, Darling" I said. "Mama, can I take dance, keep my school and still see Hannah?" "Of course" I said "You can have it all. My Love. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL." And...I meant it.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
