The First Rule is to PLAY. All endeavors must be undertaken with this curiosity/wonderment...PLAY! There is no "how much" or "how often" just this, manifesting joy...keeping it easy. PLAY PLAY PLAY!
So I made list of Life Priorities and might as well write them here. These are my essentials. Anything outside these is just gravy. I made the list to help me keep perspective. It is so easy to be like a magpie and get distracted by all the little shiny things. I wanted a definitive list to have and hold. One I could look at whenever I get obsessed with some new thing/person/idea and use as a barometer. Does it fit into one of these categories? Will it enhance a priority on the list?
My Life Priorites:
Time spent with family
Good healthy food
Joyful work for myself and Chris
Creative experiences for us all
Active experiences for us all
Communal sharing/giving
Spiritual connection (finding beauty all around)
I will do all in my power to create opportunities/time/space for these seven priorities. These are truly what makes a life a life for me. Not the hippest clothes (though I like clothes) Not reading tons of blogs (though I like those too) Not packing in activity after activity at the expense of our sanity. Just these seven done completely and PLAYfully.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Cracks and All
"Ring the bell that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
This life this perfect imperfection. All these cracks. I feel I have so many and yet I'm finally at a place in my life where I can love them, see them as part of me, as necessary. I am an imperfect mother...I am an amazing mother. My relationship with the girls is so deep, so loving, so true. We yell...sometimes. We cry...sometimes. We laugh...often. We love...always. I pull them into my arms a hundred times a day and relish their scent, the feel of their skin. JOY! I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of joy as of late, that feeling of being in the flow of the Divine completely cradled in the arms of the (god)dess.
Speaking of the feel of skin, massage school has been so enlightening in many ways. I never would have imagined that I would like touching strangers so much. I'm very touchy lovey with my family and friends, but strangers?....I love the feel of skin. I love bone and sinew under my fingers, moving with the breath, knowing that I am bringing healing, circulation and cleansing to the body. It is a true gift to serve others with the power of touch...
Friday at yoga was powerful. After all the planning for Halloween, my body needed the stretching the deep breathing, the moving within its own rhythmic field. Keith's Hatha flow class speaks to me so much right now. The first class I ever took with him, he played a song called "All is Well" a gospel song...Then in another class he based it around my favorite quote by Leonard Cohen (above). Then on Friday I had such a wild experience. We did a lovely and sweaty flow, not too fast not too slow. As we completed our final stretching Keith put on 10,000 Maniacs' "These are Days" one of my all-time happy songs. As the song played I just started sobbing, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so happy and embraced. Then heat moved up my torso into my head and I felt strange, but content. Then for the cherry on the icecream during Savasana he played "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel. Funny I never would have thought I would like incorporating pop music into yoga classes, but it really speaks to me in small doses. I have always loved music. I remember at the age of four sitting for hours by the radio or record player singing along. When I hear those songs, I know that the Divine moves through those artists. I was reminded. Thanks, Keith.
A quick note about Halloween: After an eight-hour sewing marathon by Amanda and me. And a couple more hours spent making crowns, It was a blast. We went over to JJ and Rose's house, Sonja and co. met us there and we all ate Chris's homemade chicken noodle soup. Then the kids got their costumes on (the girls looked fab) and we T&T'd in their hood. Once done there we all loaded up and went to Hyde Park where is was like Christmas on Halloween. Three streets had several big houses completely decked out in holiday attire. There were people everywhere. The girls were amazing troopers, excitedly moving from one house to another. They even kept their wigs on, though Ursa did get angry because people were stepping on her mermaid tail. It was a magical night...I can't even imagine what it looked like from their perspecitve...overwhelming...captivating...thrilling. Ursa jetted off ahead with Olive while Freya stuck closer to us. They loved telling everyone that they were sisters and mermaids. At the end of the night they were worn out and so my man carried both girls three and a half blocks back to the car...Go Daddy Go!
That being said, I am still struggling with the idea of putting the girls in school, even though they seem to like it now, even though I love my massage studies and want to work part-time, there is still that bit of guilt that I am not with them always. There is that nagging voice, that says I need to decide whether they are going to school next year and if so, where. I haven't found the perfect solution, but once again...I shall embrace the imperfect. I will trust that a solution will come. A way for all needs to be met. My 4.5 year olds are smart and savvy ladies...I know they will be well. I know that as I mama the most important thing I can give them is love, lots and lots of love. The rest will sort itself out.
4.5 is really proving to be all that I expected. It is the age my twin boys were when I became a nanny to them in college. I knew it would be lovely...and it is. Oh we still go through days or even a string of days where the girls fight intensely, but there really has been another shift. They are so expressive. They floor me with their creative ideas, like turning my massage table box into a fairy house (we spent an enitre morning painting and pasting for that one) They are more interested in letters now and trying/pretending to read. Freya goes around singing her little made up songs (note to self, record one) She has also become quite the story teller. She spent twenty minutes in her dark room with sister and Aunt Amanda the other night, telling them a long tale by the light of one single candle. Ursula is begging for a dance class. They took a free one at Ballet Austin and now she is obsessed. I promised her one after the holidays. The other day she said "Mama, if I take my dance class, can I keep my school too? "Yes, Darling" I said. "Mama, can I take dance, keep my school and still see Hannah?" "Of course" I said "You can have it all. My Love. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL." And...I meant it.
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack
A crack in everything
That's how the light gets in"
This life this perfect imperfection. All these cracks. I feel I have so many and yet I'm finally at a place in my life where I can love them, see them as part of me, as necessary. I am an imperfect mother...I am an amazing mother. My relationship with the girls is so deep, so loving, so true. We yell...sometimes. We cry...sometimes. We laugh...often. We love...always. I pull them into my arms a hundred times a day and relish their scent, the feel of their skin. JOY! I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of joy as of late, that feeling of being in the flow of the Divine completely cradled in the arms of the (god)dess.
Speaking of the feel of skin, massage school has been so enlightening in many ways. I never would have imagined that I would like touching strangers so much. I'm very touchy lovey with my family and friends, but strangers?....I love the feel of skin. I love bone and sinew under my fingers, moving with the breath, knowing that I am bringing healing, circulation and cleansing to the body. It is a true gift to serve others with the power of touch...
Friday at yoga was powerful. After all the planning for Halloween, my body needed the stretching the deep breathing, the moving within its own rhythmic field. Keith's Hatha flow class speaks to me so much right now. The first class I ever took with him, he played a song called "All is Well" a gospel song...Then in another class he based it around my favorite quote by Leonard Cohen (above). Then on Friday I had such a wild experience. We did a lovely and sweaty flow, not too fast not too slow. As we completed our final stretching Keith put on 10,000 Maniacs' "These are Days" one of my all-time happy songs. As the song played I just started sobbing, tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so happy and embraced. Then heat moved up my torso into my head and I felt strange, but content. Then for the cherry on the icecream during Savasana he played "Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel. Funny I never would have thought I would like incorporating pop music into yoga classes, but it really speaks to me in small doses. I have always loved music. I remember at the age of four sitting for hours by the radio or record player singing along. When I hear those songs, I know that the Divine moves through those artists. I was reminded. Thanks, Keith.
A quick note about Halloween: After an eight-hour sewing marathon by Amanda and me. And a couple more hours spent making crowns, It was a blast. We went over to JJ and Rose's house, Sonja and co. met us there and we all ate Chris's homemade chicken noodle soup. Then the kids got their costumes on (the girls looked fab) and we T&T'd in their hood. Once done there we all loaded up and went to Hyde Park where is was like Christmas on Halloween. Three streets had several big houses completely decked out in holiday attire. There were people everywhere. The girls were amazing troopers, excitedly moving from one house to another. They even kept their wigs on, though Ursa did get angry because people were stepping on her mermaid tail. It was a magical night...I can't even imagine what it looked like from their perspecitve...overwhelming...captivating...thrilling. Ursa jetted off ahead with Olive while Freya stuck closer to us. They loved telling everyone that they were sisters and mermaids. At the end of the night they were worn out and so my man carried both girls three and a half blocks back to the car...Go Daddy Go!
That being said, I am still struggling with the idea of putting the girls in school, even though they seem to like it now, even though I love my massage studies and want to work part-time, there is still that bit of guilt that I am not with them always. There is that nagging voice, that says I need to decide whether they are going to school next year and if so, where. I haven't found the perfect solution, but once again...I shall embrace the imperfect. I will trust that a solution will come. A way for all needs to be met. My 4.5 year olds are smart and savvy ladies...I know they will be well. I know that as I mama the most important thing I can give them is love, lots and lots of love. The rest will sort itself out.
4.5 is really proving to be all that I expected. It is the age my twin boys were when I became a nanny to them in college. I knew it would be lovely...and it is. Oh we still go through days or even a string of days where the girls fight intensely, but there really has been another shift. They are so expressive. They floor me with their creative ideas, like turning my massage table box into a fairy house (we spent an enitre morning painting and pasting for that one) They are more interested in letters now and trying/pretending to read. Freya goes around singing her little made up songs (note to self, record one) She has also become quite the story teller. She spent twenty minutes in her dark room with sister and Aunt Amanda the other night, telling them a long tale by the light of one single candle. Ursula is begging for a dance class. They took a free one at Ballet Austin and now she is obsessed. I promised her one after the holidays. The other day she said "Mama, if I take my dance class, can I keep my school too? "Yes, Darling" I said. "Mama, can I take dance, keep my school and still see Hannah?" "Of course" I said "You can have it all. My Love. YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL." And...I meant it.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Shifting
These days, these burning days have left us weepy and cranky and snarling...but today even though it was still 100 degrees outside, I felt a sense of fall. Could it be? Fall...? Maybe it is because my AC finally works after spending $4000. Maybe it is because the evening is noticably closing in sooner...maybe my heart just yearns for that time of year so much that I have myself dreaming while walking. Whatever the reason, it is delicious.
I'm feelng transitions right now. The girls starting their new montessori program three days a week. Me about to begin massage school...I am up and down about it all. A little scared, unsure of what to think or feel about it. The girls don't seem to love their school nor do they seem to hate it. I feel guilty for sending them...they should be home with me at four years of age...They should be getting muddy in the back yard, yet the other part of me is glorifying in the space...a little time for me...to finish projects and clean houses without interruption. I'll need the time for studying, besides...but I can't help feeling a bit wistful, still so unsure that it is right for them. Montessori can be so teachy...each manipulative handled just so...my girls don't like being Taught things. Freya said "school is boring, we have to learn things." hmmm, where did that come from? I don't want the to equate learning with boring. It is hard to have an unschooling mindset and yet know that you as a person cannot stay home all the time. I want a career, outside interaction. I also want to be a domestic goddess, mama...loving caring for her family her home. I'm not sure of the balance yet. I've been a SAHM for four years and I have felt like I needed something else too. But I still feel so guilty for sending the girls to school when I'm not sure that is who they are.
I'm grateful, though. Grateful for every minute I spend with those two luscious lovelies. They do play in the mud all day. They take several baths a day because they go in and out. I can tell they feel the shift towards fall too because they are outside even more than usual these days. I love how muddy they get. I love that they gave Ursa's Ariel doll a haircut, I love that Ursula can walk on the slack rope and pull herself up and over it dropping to the ground like a Cirque performer. I love how Freya tells me all day long out of the blue "I love you, Mama" I love how Ursa's face crinkles all up like the bear that she is when she gets mad, placing her hands on her hips saying, "I'm NOT your Dearest Darling" and "I'm NOT crying." I love what fish they have become, especially Freya...she has such conrol in the water, she is so natural, floating around, doing flips. Il love that they can blow bubbles on the porch for hours. I love that they get each other all riled up and start laughing hysterically. I love the incredible towers/castles/creations they build with their blocks. I love their continuous play with all their little people and animals. I love that they so trust I can sew anything for them. Even though I have only had one beginners sewing class. I love how in the car at night they say "Mama Moon is following us and call out to Mama Moon whenever they see her." I love how they always want to build fires in the back yard even when it is 102 outside. I love how they say "Mama, I want some lovins'" Ursa says "Mama, snuggle me up" Freya is so complimentary "Oh thank you, Mama. Thank you so much for _____. I love it so. Oh I really do, Mama. I love you. Thank you...." I love how Freya chatters non-stop on the telephone and at night before going to bed. I love how they both have independently said at night before bed that they see dots and those are the fairies. I love how they have an imaginary friend named Punch who is a goblin king and a fairy named Salt whom we don't see often, but come around from time to time.
I want to be more present with them. I feel like I forget too much. Even now, I had a hard time recalling so much of the hilarious things they said just today. I laugh at them and then it flies right out of my head. But even though I may forget many hilarious comments, I will never forget how grand it feels to be the cherished mama of such radiant beings. One thing Ursa has said several times now is "Mama, I want to plant these apple seeds (she collects the seeds from her apple snack) I want to grow an apple tree and live in it." Oh, me too, my dearest darling, me too. I want to live in it with all of you. My Sweets.
I'm feelng transitions right now. The girls starting their new montessori program three days a week. Me about to begin massage school...I am up and down about it all. A little scared, unsure of what to think or feel about it. The girls don't seem to love their school nor do they seem to hate it. I feel guilty for sending them...they should be home with me at four years of age...They should be getting muddy in the back yard, yet the other part of me is glorifying in the space...a little time for me...to finish projects and clean houses without interruption. I'll need the time for studying, besides...but I can't help feeling a bit wistful, still so unsure that it is right for them. Montessori can be so teachy...each manipulative handled just so...my girls don't like being Taught things. Freya said "school is boring, we have to learn things." hmmm, where did that come from? I don't want the to equate learning with boring. It is hard to have an unschooling mindset and yet know that you as a person cannot stay home all the time. I want a career, outside interaction. I also want to be a domestic goddess, mama...loving caring for her family her home. I'm not sure of the balance yet. I've been a SAHM for four years and I have felt like I needed something else too. But I still feel so guilty for sending the girls to school when I'm not sure that is who they are.
I'm grateful, though. Grateful for every minute I spend with those two luscious lovelies. They do play in the mud all day. They take several baths a day because they go in and out. I can tell they feel the shift towards fall too because they are outside even more than usual these days. I love how muddy they get. I love that they gave Ursa's Ariel doll a haircut, I love that Ursula can walk on the slack rope and pull herself up and over it dropping to the ground like a Cirque performer. I love how Freya tells me all day long out of the blue "I love you, Mama" I love how Ursa's face crinkles all up like the bear that she is when she gets mad, placing her hands on her hips saying, "I'm NOT your Dearest Darling" and "I'm NOT crying." I love what fish they have become, especially Freya...she has such conrol in the water, she is so natural, floating around, doing flips. Il love that they can blow bubbles on the porch for hours. I love that they get each other all riled up and start laughing hysterically. I love the incredible towers/castles/creations they build with their blocks. I love their continuous play with all their little people and animals. I love that they so trust I can sew anything for them. Even though I have only had one beginners sewing class. I love how in the car at night they say "Mama Moon is following us and call out to Mama Moon whenever they see her." I love how they always want to build fires in the back yard even when it is 102 outside. I love how they say "Mama, I want some lovins'" Ursa says "Mama, snuggle me up" Freya is so complimentary "Oh thank you, Mama. Thank you so much for _____. I love it so. Oh I really do, Mama. I love you. Thank you...." I love how Freya chatters non-stop on the telephone and at night before going to bed. I love how they both have independently said at night before bed that they see dots and those are the fairies. I love how they have an imaginary friend named Punch who is a goblin king and a fairy named Salt whom we don't see often, but come around from time to time.
I want to be more present with them. I feel like I forget too much. Even now, I had a hard time recalling so much of the hilarious things they said just today. I laugh at them and then it flies right out of my head. But even though I may forget many hilarious comments, I will never forget how grand it feels to be the cherished mama of such radiant beings. One thing Ursa has said several times now is "Mama, I want to plant these apple seeds (she collects the seeds from her apple snack) I want to grow an apple tree and live in it." Oh, me too, my dearest darling, me too. I want to live in it with all of you. My Sweets.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Each Day
Thankful For:
My Honey who is still my best bud.
The two wild gypsies left in my womb by the fairies
Friends who linger in my heart
Family who just are
Organic heirloom turkeys
Traditional holiday meals cooked together
Enough wine to drink throughout the day
Snuggling on couches
Bear cub nose-rub kisses
Nicies
Telling stories
Shrieks of joy
Climbing hills and boulders
Peacocks and their feathers
Colorful Autumns
Reading Peter Pan with the cubs
Pirate imagery
My reintroduction to Grimm's Fairytales
Backyard camp fires
S'mores
Dancing with abandon
Down comforters
Clean puppy dogs
Digging in gardens
Yoga
Stylin' boots
Fair Trade Organic Coffee
Organic Farms
Wool
Handmade
The smell of books
Salty olives and crusty bread
...oh so much more...I could be here lifetimes writing it all down, but to bed I must retire. Each day is an opportunity to live in Grace with Gratitude. May I always remember that.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
H O P E
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.
~ president-elect barack obama
My greatest hope is that this man understands how much we are all pulling for him to live up to his speech. May he live as a moral caring person, disregard political games and truly see the People. May he fully understand how he can go down in history not only as the first black president, but also as a Great Unifier, a president for the people, a leader who can change the course of a nation and truly serve as an icon for peace, love, and community. Of course, I know that our success does not hinge on just one man, that is too much power put on one person. I believe that we all must take responsibility for the growth and realignment of our country. We all must come together and truly "be the change we wish to see in the world." However, I know that having a strong unifying captain at the helm can be a magnificent catalyst. I believe in him. I believe in us. And yes, finally for the first time in all my life, I believe in my country. Not in some strange "patriotic" way, but as people living in the same land, cherishing that land and cherishing each other. May peace prevail, may my children truly know a society that sees LOVE as the highest force and the truest expression of the Power and Might of a nation. "Yes, We Can."
Saturday, November 01, 2008
The Thinning of the Veils.
A simple note to sit and breathe with the season. Turn in, Turn in, Tune in. Even though our days have returned to highs of 85 degrees, I am still feeling the fall vibe all around me. The cubs are loving fires in the garden and the roasting of marshmallows. They shared that experience with Grammy tonight. The sweetness and coziness of this part of the wheel makes me ache. I am entranced by the magic floating through my days...The thickness and ripeness of it all. The connection to those who have come before. The connection to our own center, to the Beloved. The veil thins and we once more realign to our own Divine. The robust Autumnal "YES". Now, if only I could wear my sweaters, jackets and boots...
Happy Halloween, Sumptious Samhain, Delectable Dia de los Muertos.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Pumpkins and Purna
It is past midnight. I should be sleeping, but I am trying to post more often. My dear friend, Amanda, reminds me. We are two days til Halloween. My favorite holiday. Texas is finally experiencing some coolish weather and with that coolness my fire, about which I've blogged, has cooled. This fire cooling is a good thing. It means I feel exhilarated with all the possibilities that the transition to fall holds. I see orange pumpkins all around. I adore the effect of pumpkins all around. They make everything appear more jolly, all round and fat or tall and skinny and now all the new/old varieties around bumpy and green, white and smooth, warty blue... My house is my solace once again, all cozy with family. We finally hung photos/prints on the walls and wow, what a difference that makes. Hey, someone with a life lives here. I've decided blank walls are no good for a family home. The blank walls are like static on a radio station. You don't always notice it at first, but when you do you realize it has been grating on your nerves all this time. We also have little glowing lights, candles, fires in the backyard with s'mores. Our Harvest Potluck was a smashing success. A nice even stream of people with their kids throughout the night. A large group gathered around the fire making the s'mores. Dearest Amanda so graciously playing S'more Wench/Maven. Chris and Hutch made gumbo again and strung the backyard with lights and glowing stars, perfect at dark for the kiddies to play under. So magical. The whole house looked magical and romantic, all reds and organges and flowers. Sigh. Oh, I am still blissed out about it all. And the next day was so yummy just hangin' with the family. The cubs were up late so they were really tired and we all just cuddled on the couch all day talking or watching movies...Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Nightmare Before Christmas.
The cubs and I are having so much fun running around, decorating for the holidays, taking hayrides, painting pumpkins, watching goats climb trees, eating pumpkin icecream. I'm busy putting together their costumes for Friday. Freya: ladybug. Ursula: butterfly or fairy the costume will work for both. I put them together as best I can from stuff we already have and then fill in the rest with items I make or pick up second-hand. I loath Target-esque costumes and just can't bring myself to go that route. It is so much more joyful to Frankenstein it all together, pun intended.
Things I'm lovin right now other than pumpkins and cooler weather: The dancing of the girls. Today Ursa piled on a bunch of costume clothes and looked like a gypsy fairy waving her arms with grace and fluidity. Freya had on a costume outfit making her look like a little Dutch girl. Hearing them sing little made up songs when they think no one is listening. Me talking to Freya sternly the other day (I don't love that, but do love Freya's response) She said in her most placating voice, "You don't have to yell. You don't have to yell. It's gonna be all right, Darling." And then she bent over kissed me and hugged my neck. The way they both just crack each other up by saying the word "Poopy" How the name "Bad Poopoo" is the worse thing they can say to each other and causes big tears. When they call me "Bad Poopoo" which makes me crack up and then they crack up...all tension gone. The way Freya says "Nicelies" instead of "Nicies" when I rub her back. How they love for us to tell made up stories (though, sometimes this gets old for me, especially when I'm driving) How they love to interject their own parts of the story now, whereas before they just let me tell them the story. The way Freya's little tongue sticks out when she says certain words/sounds giving her just the slightest lisp at times. The way Ursa always talks with her head cocked and one hand on her hip. Oh there is so much more, but i must to bed get.
In Sanskrit there is the word Purna or Fullness. That is the best word for this season, for this family, for this life. Yummy Yummy Scrumptious Family. Round and Sweet like a Pumpkin Treat.
Friday, October 03, 2008
My Little Gurus
I just returned from a screening of "Orgasmic Birth" and I want to write a few comments before I forget. First of all, the film was mostly lovely but definitely should not be called "Orgasmic Birth". What I really want to keep sight of, however, is the need for more images of ecstatic beautiful hospital births and even more importantly Cesarean Births. I realize our country has gone cuckoo with interventions and our work still needs to be to shift that energy. But I also think we cannot fight fear with fear. The medical establishment throws fear at expectant parents about the dangers of home births and then we throw more fear at parents about medical interventions. All of a sudden ALL Cesarean Births become bad, and when shown on film, something that everyone gasps at and seems horrified by. Well, you know what? Babies can be born in beautiful Cesarean births. Maybe it isn't the norm, but we need to show people that possibility too.
One pregnant mama in the audience said that she thought she would have a hospital birth because she was scared of a home birth. After seeing the show, she said now she is scared of a hospital birth too. In her words, "Now I don't know where to birth." There are some moms who just don't feel safe birthing at home, they feel safe and protected in the hospital so we need to acknowledge that too and show that they can still have that ecstatic birth there. How can we make all births sacred? That is still my prenatal teacher credo. I think parents need to be informed of the dangers of medical interventions and I think they need to see the possibility of beautiful home births. I believe in birthing at home. But I don't believe in fear-mongering. Fear is NOT the answer. Trust in our bodies and our babies is the answer. We have to trust and know ourselves deeply so that we know when an intervention is necessary and when it isn't. So that we can fully embrace whatever birth we get. That way if a baby needs to be born via Cesarean we can accept that perhaps that is the babies own path and journey. This has reinvigorated me to bring that message to my mamas in my class. To empower them to seek the higher thought. Release the Fear. Embrace and Trust your baby.
And that being said, the other issue I really walked away with tonight was the need for the loving and respectful handling of babies at birth. Babies need to be supported. Not flopped around like this week's fish. This gentle treatment of babies as they come earthside can be done in Cesarean births too. The babies can be gently pulled out, place directly on mamas chest and left there the whole time. That is my biggest regret from the girls birth. If there is anything about their birth that can still bring me to tears it is that. I accept my birth now, but I felt like they were pulled out, hauled off in a corner and then taken away from me before I could get my wits about me. Then they were taken to a cold bright nursery where they were rubbed vigorously and poked by strange hands, wailing their little lungs out. I have the photos. It is horrible but I keep them because I don't want them to have suffered in vain. If there is one thing I could do, if even for one baby, is to get the message across that it doesn't have to be that way. I waited two hours before I even got to see them again and then when we tried to nurse there were attendants and midwife hands roughly pushing the babies on to my breasts trying to get them to latch. Damn, no wonder the poor darlings had a hard time nursing at first. I wouldn't want to eat either if someone was shoving my face into my mashed potatoes. And the thing of it is, I knew better. I studied birthing, I was knowledgeable in the process, I knew more than most mamas going into it and I was still co-opted. Just think of how most parents don't stand a chance against that treatment. The unknown can be so scary to us that we give over our power. It is time to regain it. Once again to trust ourselves, to trust our voices and to know what we want so that we can make it happen.
I feel that perhaps I should get trained in doing birth education so that I can bring my own personal perspective into it. I think I have a somewhat unique one. When there is a gathering like tonight I am always the person talking about the need for sacred Cesarean Births. So many people just want to gloss over it as a horrible procedure..or with the medical establishment, a life-saving procedure...but no one ever talks about how it can be beautiful too.
I also want to focus on support for the mother after the birth. And support for the family unit during the first year. We need our village back. How do we make that happen? Anyway, thoughts for me. I know I can be of use. I heard myself speak tonight to a room full of strangers and I know I have something to say that is worth hearing. That was a nice thing to learn. Another reason I'm grateful for the birth of my girls. Wahe Guru!
One pregnant mama in the audience said that she thought she would have a hospital birth because she was scared of a home birth. After seeing the show, she said now she is scared of a hospital birth too. In her words, "Now I don't know where to birth." There are some moms who just don't feel safe birthing at home, they feel safe and protected in the hospital so we need to acknowledge that too and show that they can still have that ecstatic birth there. How can we make all births sacred? That is still my prenatal teacher credo. I think parents need to be informed of the dangers of medical interventions and I think they need to see the possibility of beautiful home births. I believe in birthing at home. But I don't believe in fear-mongering. Fear is NOT the answer. Trust in our bodies and our babies is the answer. We have to trust and know ourselves deeply so that we know when an intervention is necessary and when it isn't. So that we can fully embrace whatever birth we get. That way if a baby needs to be born via Cesarean we can accept that perhaps that is the babies own path and journey. This has reinvigorated me to bring that message to my mamas in my class. To empower them to seek the higher thought. Release the Fear. Embrace and Trust your baby.
And that being said, the other issue I really walked away with tonight was the need for the loving and respectful handling of babies at birth. Babies need to be supported. Not flopped around like this week's fish. This gentle treatment of babies as they come earthside can be done in Cesarean births too. The babies can be gently pulled out, place directly on mamas chest and left there the whole time. That is my biggest regret from the girls birth. If there is anything about their birth that can still bring me to tears it is that. I accept my birth now, but I felt like they were pulled out, hauled off in a corner and then taken away from me before I could get my wits about me. Then they were taken to a cold bright nursery where they were rubbed vigorously and poked by strange hands, wailing their little lungs out. I have the photos. It is horrible but I keep them because I don't want them to have suffered in vain. If there is one thing I could do, if even for one baby, is to get the message across that it doesn't have to be that way. I waited two hours before I even got to see them again and then when we tried to nurse there were attendants and midwife hands roughly pushing the babies on to my breasts trying to get them to latch. Damn, no wonder the poor darlings had a hard time nursing at first. I wouldn't want to eat either if someone was shoving my face into my mashed potatoes. And the thing of it is, I knew better. I studied birthing, I was knowledgeable in the process, I knew more than most mamas going into it and I was still co-opted. Just think of how most parents don't stand a chance against that treatment. The unknown can be so scary to us that we give over our power. It is time to regain it. Once again to trust ourselves, to trust our voices and to know what we want so that we can make it happen.
I feel that perhaps I should get trained in doing birth education so that I can bring my own personal perspective into it. I think I have a somewhat unique one. When there is a gathering like tonight I am always the person talking about the need for sacred Cesarean Births. So many people just want to gloss over it as a horrible procedure..or with the medical establishment, a life-saving procedure...but no one ever talks about how it can be beautiful too.
I also want to focus on support for the mother after the birth. And support for the family unit during the first year. We need our village back. How do we make that happen? Anyway, thoughts for me. I know I can be of use. I heard myself speak tonight to a room full of strangers and I know I have something to say that is worth hearing. That was a nice thing to learn. Another reason I'm grateful for the birth of my girls. Wahe Guru!
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