My Day Now

Happy Mother's Day to me and Happy Birthday to my girl cubs. So, the girl cubs have turned a year old. Wow, that cliche about time flying...well it is true. I remember when we first brought them home and it was so so hard and I thought..."Ugh, a year...that is forever. How are we going to make it?" And it really seemed so far off and the time seemed to be moving so slowly. And now that we are on the other side of it, it seems to have whisked by as if yesterday I was snuggling these two tiny babes in my arms. Clumsily trying to nurse, fumbling to pick them both up at the same time, crying because I just didn't see how I was going to survive days by myself caring for two babies without help or a break.

I still wonder some days how I"m going to survie by myself caring for two babies, but somehow we make it through and they are big and walking and gorgeous and I now can pick them both up without any problems, just one scoop of the arms. And I can also nurse them both no problems and even wish some days that I hadn't gotten so good at it because they can be little titty monsters. I look back at this year and know I've never been through anything so difficult, so sublime.

Sometimes I look at those two crazy girls and am struck by how miraculous it is that I created them. My body created those two beings. They started out as an egg that I would previously suppress monthly and some sperm that usually pooped out because it had no destination and bing bam boom, two beautful glowing girls, full of energy and pizazz and mania. Full of life. It blows my mind. And I see photos of myself big and heavy pregnant with them and I'm so proud of me, that I carried two babies at once. Look, there...inside of me two babies. Where did I put them? Fully baked and ready to go, put your helmets on, buckle your seatbelt WE ARE OFF. And now they topple along, walking stiff and bow legged, their little elblows bent and hands up by their sides for balance, bellies poking out in front so determined to explore everything.

Oh, the joy they express when they are delighted with something. Oh the agony they express when they are mad and frustrated. And it changes in a second, one from another like a mad Le Coquian game. So complete in their emotional response. Their smiles oh their smiles. They have the sparkle and the shine those two. Yesterday we set up the sprinkler for them in the back yard for the first time. Martin and Liz were over visiting and we stripped the girl cubs of their clothes and set them loose in the water. They shreaked and laughed hobbling along as fast as they could through the water, "running" from the drops of water as they splashed across their backs. Their smiles were huge, beeming brighter than the sun. You couldn't even see their eyes they were smiling so much. Little naked babies waddling around, falling in the dirt and wet grass covered in debri, loving every second. It was one of the most joyous sights I"ve ever experienced. Freya would sneak up towards the sprinkler and laugh and look at me as the water splashed. She would be a little tentative and then waddle away as fast as she could only to return again drawn in by this new sensory experience. Ursula would jolt along with cheer dripping from her face loving the outdoor nakedness, taking time out to explore the bar-b-que grill nearby. When Chris picked them up to hold them over the sprinkler so as to clean their nethers from the dirt and grass they were mucking about in, they would both kick and goof and laugh full belly laughs. They thought it was all hilariously funny. After we finished they were head to toe in filth from the lawn so we plopped them into an early bath and aftwards all played on the piano. They love music and will bounce up and down pudgy knees bending in time to the music or swaying back and forth like Stevie Wonder in concert.

Hmmm, so lovely so tiring. Speaking of tiring. I am. So off to bed soon, but I am a very happy mommy. Even though the girls are sleeping poorly again. They are happy and healthy and that makes it all ok. I am stong and mighty, each day we are all learning more and more about each other, we will survive and not only survive, we will thrive.